fitness

#datingishardROUNDTWO

It’s 7am and I know I just posted yesterday but I need to do some venting.

I’m going to schedule this to post later on just in case I change my mind about sharing it with the world.

Anyway —

Remember the “Jake” that I mentioned in my last post?
Well he’s gone.
Because my name is Sam and I cannot fucking date someone decent if my life depended on it.

Let me give you a little background here.

Jake and I met on Bumble back in November of 2016 (or so). We ‘dated’ each other for about a month, and then I received the “I don’t want a girlfriend” conversation. Fine, whatever, bye. Still had minimal communication for a bit via social media, but didn’t see each other at all after that.

Fast forward to April, he texts me to apologize for being a jerk (aka a man). I thanked him for the unnecessary apology and didn’t really think much of it. Two or so weeks later, he started texting me “just to chat” again, and eventually told me that he had still been thinking about me, was ready for a relationship now, and wanted another chance.

Hesitantly, I gave it to him.

We got along really well, have a lot of the same interests, same sense of humor, same goals. About 3 weeks ago we started to spend a good chunk of time together. Things were heading in the right direction. We had multiple conversations throughout this timeframe about where we stood. We were both aiming for this to become a relationship and we weren’t seeing other people. MULTIPLE conversations about it.

The only downfall of this relationship is that for whatever reason, Jake couldn’t “keep it up” (sorry to my relatives reading this, but it needs to be mentioned in order for this situation to make sense).

I thought it was me.  Jake is a good looking guy, he could probably get women much more attractive than myself, so of course I blamed me. He blamed other things – not being able to focus, feeling like we were moving too fast, not having enough energy – whatever. This happened on multiple occasions, in fact we never actually successfully 100% slept together because of it.

He came over on Monday and it happened again. We had a very in-depth conversation about it, and he convinced me that it really was not me that was the problem. So I did some research.

It can happen due to weed smoking (which he does), it can happen due to stress, due to not getting enough sleep, due to “moving too fast” (which we did). All of those reasons were good reasons. And then I read ways to help the situation and it didn’t seem that difficult.  I talked to Jake about the reasons and the solutions and he told me that he was willing to try.

Mind you, throughout all of this, sex wasn’t my concern. My concern was losing Jake due to all of this. For the first time in months, I was happy and in a ‘relationship’ that was moving in the right direction. I enjoyed his company and I wanted things to keep progressing. In my mind, sex was something that could be worked on and eventually would fix itself. We would figure it out as time moved on.

Also on Monday, I was telling Jake how I wanted to go to Door County this weekend. I’ve never been there and I’ve always wanted to go. I told him I was asking around to find someone to go with me. He stated that he’d go but he has plans already. Then he said he was kind of annoyed that I was going this weekend because Door County is more of a “Couples Thing.” So we picked a date to go – together. In two weeks to be exact. He was excited, or so he seemed.

Monday night I had two really bad dreams about Jake ending things with me because of the seemingly impossible sex. When I woke up, I told him about the dreams and he reassured me that he wasn’t throwing in the towel and that he wanted to work on it. The day went on pretty normal after that.

Last night, Jake was sending me links to Groupons for different international vacations saying he wanted to go here and there. I responded with “maybe we should get through Door County first before we go booking an international trip.” To which he replied “What is there to even do in Door County?” So I sent him a bunch of stuff. “Don’t you think it’s a little premature in our relationship to go there? It’s a bunch of stuff for married couples.”

…..
This obviously started a little argument because I really want to go. And because he really wanted to go (or at least he acted like it towards me). We went back and forth for a bit and I went to bed.
This morning I woke up and replied to him as to why I was upset. In which he replied,

“the reason I don’t want to go to door county is because I’m not sure whether or not I like you romantically or as just a friend”

K, Bud. Cool. Honestly, is this real?

I’m not stupid. I know this isn’t about your feelings for me. I know he has feelings for me. It’s about not being able to keep it up. He got in his head about it and started questioning everything.

You can’t keep your dick hard so you’re gonna dump me? The fuck?

The thing that makes me the angriest, other than the fact that he gave up so quickly, is that I gave him another chance in the first place.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

I let my guard down for the first time in a long time and allowed myself to have feelings for someone, who had hurt me in the past, just to get hurt again. And people wonder why I think dating is the worst? This is a prime example.

I have since told Jake to have a nice life – that I’m not playing games with him anymore. I’ve blocked him on everything. He’s not going to weasel himself back into my life again like he did two months ago, I won’t let that happen. I’m not that stupid.

I hate dating. I really do hate it. The last successful relationship I had ended in 2014 and that clearly wasn’t successful since it’s over and he’s married.

I hate dating because in order to truly show someone who you are, you have to let you guard down. You have to be open to getting hurt, being vulnerable, and rejection. Even if he’s got a limp dick and decides to dump you because of it – it’s rejection. And it sucks.

Anyway, another one bites the dust. Send your single friends my direction.

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