I’ve been writing about boys too often lately and Saturdays are horrible for posting blogs but it is what it is.
This is gonna be a long one, so bare with me. We’ll call him Travis. (I really enjoy the whole fake name thing too, by the way).
So Travis and I have been friends for about 2 years. There’s always been a gray area with us, it’s hard to explain. We went through multiple phases of ‘seeing eachother’ to not seeing eachother, to random drunk makeout sessions, to not speaking, to just friends – the works. He’s wanted to date me for awhile but I had always stopped myself.
During one of the times Travis and I weren’t ‘talking’ – he had been seeing someone else whom he hooked up with. Let’s call her Cassie. I know Cassie, but I’m not super close with her. They also never actually dated, but I remember being super surprised when I found out because I had no idea it was even going on. Anyway, because of that situation, I’ve always been a little leery about them being around each other. But what place did I have to ever say anything? I didn’t, and I know that.
Ever since my last “successful” relationship, I’ve had this vision of what I want my future husband to look like. I want him to be older than me, taller than me, have a steady job, have goals, a big truck, want a family, be interested in fitness and eating healthy at least somewhat, and put up with my nonsense. Travis isn’t that person.
For the past two years I’ve been on and off about him. I get close and then put up a wall because he’s not who I picture myself with. Over the past week, though, I’ve come to terms with how stupid that is. Not every person you date is going to be exactly the same. Just because my past relationship was successful with that type of person does NOT mean that it can’t be successful with someone different. It’s taken me about 3 years to realize that but hey – better late than never.
Back to my story – Travis and I had a conversation a few days ago where I told him that I was ready to go on a real “first date” (I’ve always said no in the past). We had conversations about how neither of us had expectations as to where this was going to go but we were going to give it a try. That there were mutual feelings and we were both pretty excited about giving it an actual shot. At least I thought.
There was a wedding last night which I did not attend, but Travis and Cassie did. Of course, alcohol + me not being there + them being together made me nervous, so I told Travis that. He promised me, twice, that “NOTHING” would happen. I told him technically he could do whatever he wants since he’s single and his reply was that he “wouldn’t do that.”
Maybe it’s karma for being indecisive all these years? Maybe its the way for the universe to tell me to move on and get over it? Relationships shouldn’t be difficult. They should be easy and things should just fall into place. Timing is everything, but at this point, I don’t think there’s ever going to be a “right time” for Travis and I.
Moral of the story: Don’t date your friends, even they hurt you.