I’ve been really contemplating how to come about this post. There’s a lot I could say, a lot of bullshit that I could complain about – but I’m not going to. I won’t get into details on this one but if you know me at all, you’ll know exactly what it’s in reference to.
I have some “friends” in my life that are more a “chore” to hang out with than anything. They make plans weeks in advance and then blow you off because something better comes along, they never seem fully engaged or be excited when they’re hanging out with you because it’s not what they want to specifically be doing in that moment. They lie to cover up why they blew you off. They act like it’s not a big deal that they had “something come up” even though you’ve had this planned with them for weeks. They avoid talking about it for weeks or maybe even months solely because they know they’re an asshole and can’t handle the confrontation.
Now don’t get me wrong – I have definitely cancelled my fair share of plans. But when that happens, its either 1. A date with a guy that I never really wanted to go on in the first place. 2. Plans with that specific person that are something along the lines of grabbing dinner or getting drinks. I don’t blow off parties that I RSVP yes to – I don’t blow off big events that friends ask me to support them at. That’s the kind of stuff I’m referring to.
For me, if I’ve committed to going somewhere or doing something – that’s it. I’m not going to cancel my plans because another option comes up and it sounds more fun. I have the hard conversations because I want people that I’m close to to understand where I’m coming from. I don’t want to lose a friend due to bad communication or tense situations that can easily be resolved through a conversation.
I had a packer party right when the season started that had been planned for at least 3 weeks. I had 6 people not show up that said they’d be there. Although that seems like something minimal, it was a big deal to me. Not only did I spend money on food for those people, but I was excited to spend time with them and have them all be in the same place. When you say 3 weeks in advance that you’re coming and then don’t show up without telling me beforehand – that’s shitty. ESPECIALLY if you’re doing something else instead.
Being someone’s friend shouldn’t be a difficult task. Kelly and I live almost 30 minutes away from eachother and see eachother usually at least once a week. I have friends that live within 15 minutes that I never see because they “don’t have time.” Everyone has the same amount of time in a day. 168 hours a week. If you cancel on the 2 hours you’ve set aside to spend with me – literally 1.1% of your week – then why do I consider you a friend? I’ve always been a firm believer in “if someone wants to spend time with you, they will” and I’ve typically related that to men. But it’s the same for friends as well. The strongest friendships are the ones with equal effort.
I’ve gotten to the point in life, over the past couple of years, where I’ve been cutting people that treat me badly. When someone repeatedly hurts me, I ‘dump’ them as a friend. Harsh? I don’t think so. I know I’ve talked about this in the past but I’ll reiterate it from time to time as I feel necessary. I spend my life trying to find my happiness – people, places, things – that make me happy. If you’re a part of my unhappiness – even if it’s hard for me – I’ll remove you from my life.
Treat people that way that you want to be treated. Live by the golden rule.