dating

#INeedYourHelp

So this blog post is going to be a little different in the sense that I really do want some comments/input.

I want to know what you and your significant others’ timeline looks like. (or your ex, whatever applies).

Were you friends before you started dating? How long were you friends before you moved it to the next level?

Did you start dating right when you met? When did you become “in a relationship”?

How long did it take to say “I love you” ?

How long did you date before you got engaged? Married?

The reason I ask is because the only serious relationship I had moved very quickly. Like, very, very quickly. And I think that because of that, I have a mindset that all relationships need to move at that speed (at least the dating aspect, not necessarily engagement). I dated a guy for 2 months before we were “official” and we were together 4 months before moving in. The situation was a little different because we met in Vegas and he was living/working in Alaska at the time. It was just easier to move in together during the time that he was in the area, but nonetheless… it was quick. We started talking engagement after 8 months (which is when I put the brakes on) and broke up after a little under two years.

That’s the most serious relationship that I’ve had so it’s really the only experience I have to compare things to. My assumption is that everyone is going to have a different timeline because all situations are different – I know that. But I think it will help my mindset a little bit to hear that from other people. I know there shouldn’t be a rush, I know taking things slow is OK. I just want others’ opinions and experiences to help my anxiety about it.

Feel free to share as little or as many details as you’d like, and if you’d rather private message me about it – that’s totally fine. But please give me some insight because I am really struggling here.

15 thoughts on “#INeedYourHelp”

  1. AWWW LUKE!
    Were you friends before you started dating? How long were you friends before you moved it to the next level? No, Shawn and I were not friends before we started dating but we did know who each other were.

    Did you start dating right when you met? When did you become “in a relationship”?
    We met in January and made it official on February the same year

    How long did it take to say “I love you” ?
    The first “I love you was in May the same year we started dating

    How long did you date before you got engaged? Married?
    It was a little under 2 years of dating when he proposed and we got married a week shy of being engage for one year.

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    1. Tom and I met at the gym, he was coaching a class and due to his laid back personality and general sleepiness, I thought he was high and I reported him for teaching weight lifting classes while stoned. The gym owner shut me down fast and explained that he was just laid back and super chill ( like the polar opposite of me). I felt like a jerk. I started attending more of his classes once I realized how knowledgeable he was, signed up for my first 5K with him and a group of other people and that was the first time I spoke to him socially. I got his number that day, we texted for about a month, had our first date and about 3 weeks after that we were inseparable. I don’t think we spent a single night apart other than one family vacation for the next year. We got engaged after dating for 1.5 years and married 1.5 years after that. You know us, we are happy as can be. Sometimes two people just fit together like puzzle pieces. We are the right amount of different and the right amount of the same. We never get tired of each other, we don’t take breaks from one another, we support each other in everything and we always have each others backs ( even if one of us is clearly wrong). I think the most important thing in a successful relationship is that you have to be friends, so depending on how long it takes you to trust someone and let them be your friend – maybe you can base your timeline on that? Maybe there isn’t a timeline and maybe it’s different between every two people. I will note that Tom was not my type, I didn’t give him a second look for the first 6 months he was coaching, I didn’t even know his name. I would have never thought that he was going to be the guy for me. We use the word Serendipity to describe our relationship = the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. Stay open to people you didn’t notice right away, talk to people you don’t think you will have anything in common with and try to let go of what you envision your “type” as. Life has an amazing way of giving you exactly what you need when you need it and when you are ready for it. I know you didn’t ask for advice but I am generally bossy and needed to give you my two cents. 🙂

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      1. Agreed with Lyle – I had no idea how you two met! I mean I knew it was a gym but that was about it. It is comforting to know, though, that you knew eachothter for 6+ months before actually dating. The beginning stages of a relationship (or friendship) are always the most confusing, in my opinion. I’ve definitely given up on “my type” which is good because I’ve met some good guys since then.Thanks for sharing!

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  2. Like you’re saying, every relationship is different! But, for my current relationship:

    Were you friends before you started dating? How long were you friends before you moved it to the next level?
    We met on Tinder- so we were kinda both there for a relationship (NOT a hookup I promise!) We texted for about a week and then met in person. We were then in the “talking” stage for 4 months-had sleepovers, went on a couple dates, talked every day, used cute names, the whole nine yards. We had a little fight and didn’t talk for a week or so in there, but then we were “officially dating” after knowing each other 4 months. As I’m writing this, I’m seeing that I’m answering the next question as well. It’s weird because once I met him in person I knew I wanted to date him (but also knew I had to reel in the crazy so I didn’t scare him off).
    Did you start dating right when you met? When did you become “in a relationship”? ^^^ 🙂

    How long did it take to say “I love you” ?
    We had been only dating about a month when we said “I love you”.. seems fast but it just felt right and I justify it by the fact that we had “basically” been dating for 5 months.

    How long did you date before you got engaged? Married?
    Still waiting on this 😉 but we talk about it a lot. We’ve been together for 2.5 years and the only thing holding us back is him still being in school-so stay tuned haha.

    I do want to say that relationships are so different as we grow and change. When you compare college relationships to high school relationships, they seem to move so much quicker because you’re spending every waking moment together (but you know that!)

    I know everyone says “your time will come” and “it happens when you least expect it”. I can say my relationship did happen when I least expected it, but I’m very lucky to have the person that I do. You absolutely deserve someone who is going to be the best for you, so hang in there and best of luck. Navigating the dating world (and the adult world) is the worst.

    Aaaand now I’ve poured my heart out in the internet, hope you enjoyed it!

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    1. Thank you for this! I can completely relate on your comment about knowing you wanted to be with someone but trying to “reel in the crazy” (thats my current situation). It’s helpful to know that you two were in the “talking” stage for 4 months because that’s the part I struggle with most. In the past I think I’ve asked the question “what are we doing here” too soon but I never know what’s a good timeline for that stuff… or when you’re supposed to be like “ok if this isn’t going to be anything serious then I’m not going to waste my time. I’ve been using 3 months as my timeline to ask that conversation but hearing that it took you two four months is definitely helpful.
      You two are adorable by the way, I hope a ring comes soon 😉
      Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Since we used to work together I’m going to do that thing where I copy your initial questions then just answer them (if only I could make my text red)

    Were you friends before you started dating? How long were you friends before you moved it to the next level? In all but 1-2 situations NO

    Did you start dating right when you met? Yes, but I mainly met people for that specific reason-
    ala apps. When did you become “in a relationship”? Typically 1-2 months in.

    How long did it take to say “I love you” ? Some as soon as 2-3 months…but most I never would say that too.

    How long did you date before you got engaged? Married? Divorced??

    2 years prior to engagement- then 2 years until wedding- then 6 years until divorce 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Did you start dating right when you met? — Yes

    When did you become “in a relationship”? — Almost immediately

    How long did it take to say “I love you” ? – Couple of months (but it probably wasn’t true)

    How long did you date before you got engaged? Married? — Got engaged 4+ years later but we took some time apart before then (and probably should have stayed apart), married 7 months later. Divorced after 14 years, most of which were unhappy.

    I hate to ask for a do-over because I love my kids and would make all the same mistakes to guarantee I get just those two but, if I were starting over, I would think long and hard about what I want from a lifelong relationship and why. I definitely felt a need to keep moving my life on a certain path and walked into a situation I wasn’t prepared for. I never lived alone until I got divorced, for example. So, I vowed not to get into another serious relationship until I was happy all by myself.

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    1. I think after my last relationship (which lasted a whopping 6 months) I realized the importance of being happy on my own. It sounds so cliche when people say it but it’s definitely true – you cannot be happy with someone else unless you are happy with yourself. It’s been two years since that relationship and I definitely feel like I’ve FINALLY reached the point where I am good on my own (house, career, independence, etc.). But you’re right, it is important. I’m not good at just sitting back and letting things play out without trying to mold them into some “plan” that I have. That’s definitely a work in progress.

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      1. Plans are good to have, I think. Maybe it’s an easier conversation when you have less time left on Earth but why not talk about this sort of stuff the first time you meet someone? If the person you are with isn’t able to talk with you like that, even at a high level, they will probably never catch up to you.

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  5. Sam – This one is from my boss, who has been married over 40 years. I thought it would be fun to through this in the mix:

    Were you friends before you started dating? Nope. We met when she measured me in a wet speedo. She was in charge of costumes for a play I had the lead role in.

    How long were you friends before you moved it to the next level? Immediately.

    Did you start dating right when you met? Yes. When did you become “in a relationship”? We dated on and off for about a year before it was reasonably steady. I was dating other people.

    How long did it take to say “I love you” ? I have no idea. Too old to remember.

    How long did you date before you got engaged? We dated on and off for 15 months Married?UMMMM 5 months later. Married now for 48.5 years.

    A tip for you: The world was different then, we had 19 weddings with in 6 months of graduation from college, people got married and grew up together rather than everyone leading their own lives and becoming self centered, they don’t learn to share anymore. There is an advantage to starting a new adventure together and going from there. We are good friends, we like to be together and we don’t like to do things separately. There is no way we do separate things, we prefer to find things that are mutually enjoyable. This requires some compromise on both parts.

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  6. Were you friends before you started dating? No. We met on a dating site.

    How long were you friends before you moved it to the next level? Our next level came at our engagement. That was when we had our first kiss. We didn’t do anything more than that until we were married.

    Did you start dating right when you met? No. When did you become “in a relationship”? We met in person 3 days after meeting online and we became exclusive after about 6 weeks.

    How long did it take to say “I love you” ? Not sure, but it didn’t happen quickly. It was more a knowing.

    How long did you date before you got engaged? Married? We went from meeting online to married in 5 months.

    I knew he was the one when I was rear-ended by a hit and run driver and I called him even before I called the police. I was never one to call a man for anything…EVER….and we weren’t even 6 weeks in yet. He is just one hell of a gentleman!

    OAN…..I know someone you really should meet…..

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    1. This is so precious I HAD NO IDEA!
      Funny about the car accident because I had an extremely similar situation happen to me recently… maybe it’s a sign 😉

      Thanks for sharing! and let me know about your friend 🙂

      Like

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