Have you ever met someone that has a shittier dating life than myself? I haven’t. Or maybe other people just aren’t as open about it? Who knows. I literally have the worst experiences.
Anyway, I’ve been keeping this guy under wraps the past two months because I was hopeful (but deep down knew what I was getting myself into) that it would actually work out. I met this guy on Match (red flag right there because that site is fucking terrible), our first date was around Thanksgiving and it lasted over 6 hours because it was going so well. We dated pretty heavily for about a month, and then he had a bit of a mental breakdown if you will.
Let’s call him Tyler.
Tyler dated a girl on and off for 5 years and then solidly for 3. According to him, their relationship was never the greatest (obviously if it was touch and go for so long) but he proposed to her within the last year hoping that would change things. Surprisingly, it didn’t (sarcasm) and they broke up in August of 2017.
Like I said, I met him around Thanksgiving (3 months later). I should have known immediately that dating someone who just got out of such a long term relationship wasn’t a good idea, but he assured me that he was over it and had been over it for awhile. Understanding where he came from on that, I decided to give it a shot anyway.
A couple weeks in, he started to freak out a bit that things were moving too quickly between us and that he wasn’t ready – so he called it off. Fine. I get it. People need time to get over those things so I let it go…. but then he texted me two days later telling me he already missed hanging out with me and still wanted me in his life and asked to take things slower. We chatted a bit about exactly how that was going to go, and (i thought) we were on the same page about everything. We started hanging out a lot less, talking a lot less, but I was fine with it because I wanted to give him the time that he needed. It seemed to me that his ex was pretty controlling too, and I wanted to make sure he knew that I’m not like that.
We spent all last weekend together (and the weekend before, now that I think about it) and things went really well. We talked, again, about how we were taking things slow and confirmed, again, that I was ok with it.
Fast forward to today, 5 days later, and we’re back to the same God damn conversation. He said he had an opportunity to go on a date but he didn’t because he felt guilty. And he shouldn’t feel guilty because he’s only been single for 5 months. SO GO ON YOUR FUCKING DATE ARE YOU SERIOUS? Holy Christ.
I get where he’s coming from. I understand that he ‘lost himself as a person’ throughout those 8 years he was with his ex. I am 10000% OK with taking things day by day and getting to know eachother.
What am I not ok with? Someone who doesn’t know if they even want to be FRIENDS with me (because that’s what we are – right?!) Back and forth, indecisiveness every couple of weeks – I am NOT ok with that. I don’t have the emotional capacity, or time, to worry about where I stand with someone every hour of every day. We agreed to be friends and take things slow, why the fuck is that a problem?
So I replied to Tyler and said exactly that. Go on your date. Do whatever it is that you need to do to figure out your shit because I cannot continue to listen to you go back and forth about what you want from me. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me. Someone that wants to spend time with me, talk to me, get to know me, do fun shit with me, be my best friend. I do not want someone who can’t decide if I’m even worth getting to know.
Part of me is really upset because we had such a good, strong month when we started dating. I realize that sounds ridiculous, but we were literally together 3-5 days/week for 4 weeks – that’s a lot of time with someone. Taking a step back from that really hurt me but now having to re-do it again – I’m not as upset. I’m bummed, because he really is a great guy aside from all of his baggage. He has his shit together, we’re very similar, we have a great time when we do hang out. The other half of me is so annoyed and over it at this point that I don’t even care. Just like every other man I’ve dated over the past two years, he doesn’t know what he wants.
When will I find someone who does know what they want? And when will I be what they want?
Probs never, tbh. It’s 8pm on a Friday and I cannot WAIT to go to sleep. I’m over it.