I had a bunch of my girl friends over last week to celebrate my birthday. We had a big Thanksgiving-style dinner and then played drinking games and hung out. It was actually prety low key which was nice. If you came – thank you. It was much appreciated especially after ending things with Tyler.
Anyway, during that night there was some talk about this blog subject – one that I have avoided thus far. But, at this point, I don’t have a reason to avoid it anymore so we might as well get it out of the way, right?
It’s about one of my (ex) friends. Someone who I had been friends with for several years, through the ups and downs. But all things eventually come to an end. And there were a series of events that have happened over the past year that have resulted in us no longer being friends.
Let’s call her Maggie.
Maggie had been dating a guy and eventually got engaged. She asked me to be in her wedding and of course I said yes. I was super excited about it – I’ve never stood up in a wedding. There were 8 Bridesmaids and 8 Groomsmen (some juniors in there as well) so it was a pretty big bridal party. I was asked to be a part in the wedding around April or May of some sort (I don’t remember the timeline and I have her blocked on FB so I cant check)… and I think I noticed things start going south in July.
See, Maggie worked at a bar/restaurant. In 2016, I frequented that place a lot. We were ALWAYs there. But towards the end of the year it seemed as though it was more or less drama above anything else – so I tried to pull away from it as much as I could. Maggie, on the other hand, did not. Around June/July of 2017, a lot of the other bridesmaids and I noticed that she was spending A LOT of her time at this bar/restaurant. When she wasn’t working, she was there. She was ALWAYS there and she would stay until 2-3am…literally 5 or so times a week. If she’s reading this, I guarantee she will claim that’s an exaggeration. And maybe it is, but that’s definitely how I perceived it (and so did plenty of other people).
We had two bridal showers for Maggie. One with her family and one with her friends. First, though, we had a bachelorette party. We rented an AirBnB about an hour away and there were a TON of girls there. This was the day that I decided my intuitions were right, Maggie didn’t want to get married. How did I know that? Well, we were in the kitchen – Maggie, Myself, and one of her Maid of Honors, and we were decorating her in penises. Her MOH asked “Why do you seem so quiet? Arent you so excited?!” And I looked at Maggie and you could see it written allll over her face. She replied “I am excited, but its scary. It’s such a commitment!” To which her MOH said “Yeah, but nothing will change between you guys after it happens.” And Maggie kind of let out a sigh and rolled her eyes as almost to say “that’s the problem.”
The next weekend we had the family bridal shower, and a few weeks later, the one for her friends. All of these events were a lot of work – especially for the MOH’s. I tried to help out as much as I could but with so many people involved, things are difficult.
Mind you, throughout this time, Maggie had still been spending multiple nights per week at the bar. Always getting drunk, always hanging out with a coworker – we’ll call him Jack. It started to seem as though there was more going on between the two of them than what met the eye – especially when Maggie posted a picture of him saying she has “never clicked with anyone like she clicks with him” – something you should not say on social media when you’re ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE.
But, I digress…
Maggie had changed. Whether or not she agrees with that is a different story. But to me, and at least 5 of her other bridesmaids, she had changed.
I quit Waterstone in October and went on a little vacay by myself. I was gone the same weekend as Maggie’s Fiance’s bachelor party, which was a full weekend event up north. Jack had stayed the weekend at Maggie’s place, and her fiance obviously had an issue with that, which is supposedly how their conversation started.
As I was driving to Jersey City, I remember looking at Facebook and realizing her fiance had changed all of his pictures. I checked her page, and her relationship status was gone. He posted something depressing, she was dead silent. Social media is a powerful thing and you could clearly see that things were ending.
A few hours later, I received a group message from the MOH stating that the wedding is off. Maggie called it off. Here, my friends, is where I really start to have a problem with this whole situation. I don’t care that we wasted time and money and energy planning for this event. I don’t care that I now own this bridesmaids dress and have nowhere to go with it. I don’t care that they broke up (I mean I do, but if it was going to happen, I’m glad it was before they were actually married). What I care about, is that TO THIS DAY, I have not had a sit down conversation with Maggie about this. Not at all. Not a fucking word.
I waited about a day and a half and sent her a text – after still not hearing anything from her personally – and I straight up ASKED her SEVERAL times if she had feelings for Jack. She said no. I asked her if she had ever cheated with Jack. She said no. I told her I felt like although maybe there wasn’t any physical cheating, there was definitely emotional cheating – she denied it. She claimed UP AND DOWN that she had NO feelings for Jack what-so-ever. And how could I, as one of her closest friends, even think that was possible? Why would I ever make an assumption like that? I told her that if I was ever proven wrong, and if she and Jack ever ended up together, I could not and would not support that decision.
Let me remind you, that this breakup was in October. I still, despite my efforts – and there have been a hell of a lot – have not had a conversation with Maggie about any of this. Sure, there’s been some drunken words back and forth in passing, but I had asked her multiple times if we could sit down and talk about it, and she would always say yes, but always avoid it when the time came.
Why do I need to have a conversation with her about it? We’ve been friends since I was in 8th grade. I’m 28 years old. That’s a long fucking time. If you’re going to make a decision like ending your engagement – which involves a bridal party of over 16 people – you should make an effort to talk to them about it. AT LEAST your bridesmaids who are supposed to be your best friends. You cannot just break off an engagement and go along like nothing happened. There’s a conversation that needs to take place and no matter how many chances I gave her to have that conversation, it didn’t happen.
And now guess what? Maggie and Jack dating. They already live together. WEIRD. Yet I was such a horrible person for thinking there was something going on…..? Right. It’s all me. I’m the asshole. You’re correct.
Naw Maggie, that ain’t how this works. First of all, you just HAD to put your newfound love as a relationship status on Facebook not even four months after you ended your engagement – do you realize how that looks? SHIESTY. AS. FUCK. You also got a dog with your new boyfriend and got rid of the cat you’ve had for several years…. BITCH. FUCKING. MOVE.
But the worst part – like I’ve said through this entire blog post – is that the conversation has still not taken place. It’s taken place with 2 people that I know of, and there were 8 of us that deserved to have that talk. I’m sorry if I’m not the type of person to just move on from something like that. If we were really that great of friends in the first place, there would have been much more honesty and much more communication coming from her throughout the whole thing. But there wasn’t. Because the only person that she cares about is herself, and she’s always been that way. I’ve known that forever but I ignored it, because everyone has their flaws. But I’m done with the lies, the drama, the manipulation and the bullshit that she brings to the table. I’m too old to keep people in my life that don’t deserve to be there – and she doesn’t deserve it. At all.
Edit: I forgot to add that yes, I understand this was probably very hard on maggie for several reasons. I don’t think it was easy for her to do and I’m sure she was very upset but again – how would I know that if we never talked about it? How could I help her get thru it if she acted like everything was fine and made all these new friends so she didn’t have to confront any of us? I couldn’t. So yes, I lacked sympathy. But I wouldn’t have lacked sympathy had I known what I was supposed to be sympathetic about.